Why I Do What I Do, Episode #11
Editor’s Note: In today’s blog, we highlight a Reconciling Congregation in our Annual Conference. Keep reading to learn how Bonsack UMC in Roanoke made a tremendous difference to one of their members, Megan Mellom, and her family. Megan shared the following reflections with us.
This is a glimpse into the life of the mother of a transgender child.
In an instant everything turns upside down and you are scared beyond words.
Constantly
you have to grieve the child you have known all your life, learn new names, pronouns
you realize that the risk of losing your child to suicide is very high and you're terrified
you have to deal with the pain of knowing your child will never feel comfortable in their body
even worse, what your child must feel
you watch your child sink into deep depression, panic attacks, suicidal ideations
you get help
you listen to your child
you get more help
you listen more
you get help
you take a leap of faith to save your child.
And then...
you start to see the life come back in your child
you breathe a sigh of relief
your church family turns their back on you. Old friends, silent. Disapproving glances, whispers.
you're mocked and laughed at and called the worst kind of sinner
those who support you are also mocked
your child is breathing again, happy
you can breathe again, but at the same time, so much loss all around you
you try to protect your child from the hate, but it keeps raining down, and hope grows dim
Then Jesus comes… In the form of a handful of Christlike people who take you in and protect you, shield you like a mother hen. And you find rest under their wings, under God's mighty wings.
This is the work of Christ. Thank you, Bonsack United Methodist Church.
My intention was to raise my children in a nice Baptist church like one I grew up in, to “raise them up right”, and teach them the ways of the Lord, and how very much God loves them. I thought I was doing everything right; until the safe place crumbled in an instant. The instant was when my then daughter had the courage to tell us that she wasn’t a girl at all, but actually a boy inside. She was transgender.
In that moment so many things ended, but most obviously my family being welcomed in our church and my so called friendships with members of our Sunday school class, among many others. But what has been the most terrible for me is the realization that I put my child in a church that would insidiously teach him that as his true self, he would not be loved by God, or even allowed in God’s house anymore. He knew that his safe place would be forever shaken once he came out, and he was right. He thinks God sees him as an abomination- for just existing. So almost simultaneously with his announcement, he decided that he didn’t believe in God any more, and has claimed agnosticism.
I bawled like a baby. I had failed as a parent. I had failed to protect him from this false, evil teaching. So many LGBTQ folks end up leaving the church, or much worse, killing themselves because they are made to feel that they are not worthy of God’s love, nor are they even welcome into God’s house. Non-affirming humans turn God’s house into a painful place, one that leaves serious emotional scars, preventing many from even entering an affirming church because of the panic that ensues. What an absolute opposition to the gospel, the worst kind of fruit. Jesus is pretty clear about fruit in Matthew 7:17-20, which discusses bearing good vs evil fruit. “Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”
I was so happy to find Bonsack United Methodist Church, a safe place for my family with fierce allies ready to immediately stand with me at a school board meeting full of hate for kids like my son. THAT is good fruit. A safe place to learn about and worship God for anyone and everyone. THAT is good fruit. Now we just have to find ways to “leave the 99”, and go get them back, like Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:12-13. Sheep by sheep. I am thankful I have a place at BUMC that I can follow this God given passion to serve the LGBTQ community; and maybe, just maybe someday get my son back.
If your church is interested in becoming a Reconciling Congregation, learn more at https://rmnetwork.org/get-involved/reconciling-ministry/.